It’s not worth rushing

urinal by Cade Buchanan

There is a guy who uses the toilets in our office building who is always in more of a rush than anyone else.

His time is under so much pressure, that he never waits until reaching the urinal before unzipping his trousers and “withdrawing” himself.

Sorry for the image, but it’s integral to the story.

It just means that he always takes the last few steps to the urinal in a more exposed state than one might otherwise choose for a public context.

It dawned on me that he might have a bladder problem, but you see this urgency in everything he does. The purposeful striding across the carpark. The frantic mashing of elevator buttons. The willingness to conduct telephone conversations from the confines of a toilet stall.

He’s just a really, busy guy.

One day not long ago, the office toilets were particularly busy. The two stalls were occupied, there was a man at the single urinal fixture, one at the hand drier and I was at the sink washing my hands.

It was a full house.

In the midst of this activity, in rushed the busy guy. He strode in with his signature purpose and proceeded to extract himself from his trousers without looking up. At the last minute, he glanced up – probably just to course-correct his trajectory – and noticed that all stations were full. There was nowhere to go.

And he now had his penis out.

He did a little, surprised shuffle, which caused all present to turn and see a well-dressed man in a 3 piece, pinstriped suit, mouth agape, with his dick in his hand.

Metaphorically and literally.

Nobody said anything. We just returned to what we were doing and when the urinal freed up, busy guy waddled over and did his thing.

It felt like the rest of us all had a collective, comic-book-style thought bubble above our heads which read “DAMN. Just take your time!”

Rushing might make you feel like you’re getting there faster, it might make you think that you’re being more effective, but it often just increases the likelihood that you’ll be caught with your dick in your hand because you weren’t paying attention.