Which Wars Win?

Star Wars is a funny thing. It used to be nerdy to like Star Wars, then it was cool to like it and now it’s like being at a christmas party full of constipated grinches: nobody gives a shit.

Like most fans, I prefer the older films (Empire is king), but I don’t want you to think I’m a rabid Jar-Jar denier, running around in a “Han Shot First!” t-shirt. I’m a Star Wars moderate and I’m well aware of the fact it’s possible that I only like the old films better because I saw them as a kid and we all know nostalgia has a funny habit making the past seem cooler than it was (Battle of the Planets anyone?).

Given that Lucas is about to put our wallets through the ringer again by re-releasing all the films again (this time in 3D), I thought it was time to see if science could help us determine if the old films really are better, or if we’re just jaded old men pining for the past.

To this end, I’ve acquired a human baby – don’t ask, just keep the car running – and I will now show said baby all six films and then ask her to report on which films she preferred and why. Of course there’s a chance she’ll hate all six films (and me for making her watch them), but surely there’s no price too high for a truth so important.

– Kent ‘Surely Han & Greedo could have worked it out’ Valentine