Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-12-26

  • Stutterers have been banned from writing xmas carols after the unfortunate incident involving Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la #
  • Santa hires elves b/c orcs stink, there aren't enough dwarves & pixies haven't done anything decent since 1991. #customcracker #
  • Child Services have been called after Belle and Sebastian were found with an office full of babies. #
  • What do you call a half dozen, east end men in a brothel? 6 geezers laying. #12JokesOfChristmas #
  • After Santa's earlier reindeer Schwama, Shish & Kofta mysteriously disappeared, Donner started to panic. #
  • Meant to be dressed in MadMen style. Current facial hair configuration makes me look like a paedo from Deadwood. #
  • Downloading Undead Nightmare, watching The Conversation w/ Gene Hackman & writing a tech spec. Take that stereotypes about men multitasking! #
  • The queen of the double dip #
  • Yes. Yes it can. RT @FloValentine: @KentValentine Hey douchebag, I got a nappy that needs an overhaul, right now. #
  • My wife is sick and I just burnt a whole bunch of fish fingers. Can this day get any worse? #

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The Napalm Story @ Glitter & Doom – 3rd Nov 2010

Glitter & Doom is an experimental comedy night that I run where comedians perform to a live musical score created by Sam Astley & Charlie Pyne. Glitter & Doom runs the first Wednesday of every month @ The Betsey Trotwood in London. Details and more videos at

Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-12-19

  • Going for a run in the snow. If I don't return, I love you all. #
  • I just don't want to share the road with anything which must be legally marked "FISSILE". #
  • Stuck in traffic next to a convoy of trucks carrying barrels marked as being radioactive. Fuck you snow. #
  • Shop window launch checklist: Lingerie? Check. Flying cocks? Check. Ok, let's roll! #
  • Hey Thursday, you try to pull any of that shit from last week and there'll be hell to pay. #
  • [new video] In space, no one can hear you extend the olive branch #
  • I'm up North this Fri, want a lift? I'll take you as far as Anchorhead. You can get a transport there to MosEisley or wherever you're going. #
  • If you need to host any exciting/sexual dreams, my brain is available to rent until 7.30am or my daughter wakes up, whatever comes first. #
  • Watching #TheShield is like eating wonderful food that's slightly past its used-by date. #
  • Batman: Arkham City trailer #
  • Brand power is irrelevant if the product is rubbish. Just look at Tesco Finest Sausages or Louis Vuitton AIDS. #
  • Queue at the post office suggests there's a holiday afoot. Probably the post-Chanukka rush. #

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